procastinating
June 27, 2009
i haven’t blogged in here for awhile; not cuz i’d forgotten about it or anything; not cuz i don’t care. quite le contrary. you know how sometimes you care so much about something or someone that you just..can’t deal with it the way you want to deep down. not right now anyway.
and then someone dies, or someone young falls terminally ill, or you listen to that song, and suddenly you remember fatality. mortality. that you too, like parents, are ageing.
so i blog while sobering up in a single hotel room in sing sing. i haven’t had my own hotel room since god knows when, still takes a bit of effort to think of it as a novelty though. these moments are nicer shared.
i went to a wedding this morning, and someone asked if i thought the couple were really in love. not going to answer that here. but makes me wonder (in paranoia), if i ever get married, will the guests scrutinize my body language and judge whether i made a mistake or not? jesus pressure and city hall!
July 3, 2009 at 10:58 pm
it’s unbelievable how much i’m connecting to what you wrote. i hate that i don’t know how to deal with someone i care about so much. a situation that’s both confusing and painful. a relationship i just don’t know how to deal with right now, but if i don’t do anything soon, i’ll regret missing out on it forever. and then someone i live with dies and i realize my own mortality, realize the limitations of my time, my mortality, my lingering fate. i just went to a wedding last weekend (apparently the same day as you!!) but my thoughts were not if the couple were really in love but that in my time, when i get to that moment, will i be truly in love? will i still love someone from my past that i can’t let go of? oh the pressures of growing up